No. 517512 [Reply]
I was at a friend's house, we'd been eating shitty food all weekend. There was a weird, lumpy feeling in my lower bowel that kinda concerned me. I finally had the urge to shit, so I go into the bathroom and sit down.
I fart a little bit, and I feel the lump shift positions, as if gravity and intestinal peristalsis was finally kicking in. I feel this turd get in line and start peeking. It immediately stops on the threshold and refuses to move.
I am concerned. I've had to grunt and strain before, but in this instance, after 5 minutes of grunting and pushing, this turd hasn't moved at all, and my butthole is starting to get fatigued. I've tried rocking back and forth, rocking side to side, doing my patented "stir" move around the rim, and I finally think to myself, "I should check the texture," so I reach back and give the turtlehead a quick rub.
I feel some movement begin to occur, and this turd finally starts moving. I swear to you that I heard this turd scraping as it squeezed out of my butthole. At the moment that its main girth breached, my butthole began retracting and, I literally shot this turd into the toilet with a gusty shotgun-blast of a fart. I swear to you, this turd "clinked" into the bowl.
I felt a sense of relief, pride, and deliverance I can only describe as spiritual. I stand up to see the child of my loins and to make sure there isn't an umbilical cord to cut. I was only like 9 or 10 years old, and this turd was the size of a Coke can, and fucking muscular and veiny as a roided-out bodybuilder on stage. I wipe and there's nothing. This turd was solid as fuck.